Hi, My Name is Joj. And I Suffer From Insomnia At The Worst Possible Times Ever.

So I drew a picture to show you my world right now.

That salmon-colored blob is supposed to represent the very handsome, very not-salmon-in-real-life PTR. I did a bad job at portraying his machismo. Perhaps Salmon was a bad choice, but it's too late to turn back. Anyway, he didn't get any sleep last night either, probably less than me and I only got around 2 hours. So I'm genuinely happy he's peacefully sleeping as of 1030. And making a weird bubbly snorey noise. It's ok. I'm happy for him. It's 1am, 2.5 hours later and I wish I could be so lucky.

Then there's the alarm clock. Which is set 7 minutes ahead. Prudent. Wise. An adult thing to do to ensure responsible timing. It might not seem like much, but when that alarm clock is judging you as midnight creeps towards you - those 7 minutes are a critical threat. This is the reason I haven't owned a real alarm clock in about 7 years. (Hooray iPhone!)

See those blue music note things? They're meant to represent the incessant waves of car stereos from the intersection outside of our house - usually playing something like this (wait for the chorus), or this (make sure you experience the horns AND the beat). [Not to be confused with the Static-y radio program (Wendy Williams?) our neighbor leaves on, very loud, with much bass, overnight, when she's not at home (RE: last night and why we got no sleep).
I'd make those kind of music notes 10x bigger - and orange - and on fire.]

Next up - those blue dots on the sheets on the mattress-foreground. That's because I was too tired to cook. And we both stood in the kitchen and looked around at things. For maybe a solid and silent 45-90 seconds. Silently opening cabinet doors, shifting around to open others. And declared that the turkey should likely go in the freezer if we're not making it tonight. And then it happened: PTR boldly declared "Let's just order delivery Crab Rangoon and get it over with." MY MAN! Too bad I was too tired that it fell out of my bowl and oil stained the sheets. ...Yes, I eat in bed sometimes. Spare me the lecture of how I'm nose-diving towards being one of those obese people who have to use a rag on a stick to bathe. I'm tired; therefore I eat like the Romans - lounge style. ....without the vom.

See that hall light? The blazing beacon of bathroom stumble guidance? I cant sleep in the dark unless there's at least natural light - like the moon (I think. I've never slept under the moon... and opening the curtains here would only saturate me with more "Gasolina".). Anyway, it's not for fear of the dark - just for paranoia - that I cant find my water glass, or god forbid my phone at 3:30 am when I need to do a goog. I'm a control freak. But a 100w bulb is way beyond my comfort level. it's threatening. And if I turn away? That damn alarm clock is back to taunting me.

The last thing that i notice during my insomnia bouts is the open closet door. I cant go into detail, but does anyone else have a major OCD hang-up (no pun intended) with open doors? Because I do. And right now it's all I can think about.

I think it might be Nyquil time.

Short Story

So, yesterday I thought it'd be a good idea to start a short story. Just because most other peoples' stories bore me to death. I don't pretend I'm a good writer, much less an entertaining one.

Below is the beginnings. Think I should go on?


CHAPTER 1

Jane Hall State Prison
Pennsylvania
Autumn - 2011

My name is Leslie Morris, everyone calls me Leroy. I’m 34 years old. I have no mother and no father either. Ive been here 16 years because I got nowhere else to go - but I keep to myself.

It’s been two weeks now. We’re hungry. Only food we got is whats locked in our cells with us - that’s mostly gone at this point. I have some crackers in my bedpost the others don’t know about.

Some of the others are starting to wonder whats really happening on the outside, the rest of them say they don’t care because they’ll never BE back out there to find out.

Ten days since the radios went out. Eight since the lights. I keep my notebook for all kinds of things, and that’s how I know it’s been 14 whole days just us locked up ones. I miss Nurse Bone. That’s her real name too - Nurse Bone. She’s nice to me - calls me “Mister Morris”. I think she knows I don’t have nobody else.

It’s almost dark now, and we can hear the screaming start. Far enough - gotta be outside the gates - off the prison grounds, but it’s close enough to know it’s not all the way in town. Only thing you can hear from town is the fireworks in July. Wouldn’t hear anything else - especially someone gettin’ eaten alive. That’s my idea about what's goin on. I can’t see it, but that’s the only thing I can imagine would get a person to make the kind of noises they’ve been makin’ at night.

When that screaming starts, we all stop doing whatever we’re doing and listen until it’s all the way dark. After the sun starts to come up in the morning hours, the screaming slows down - it gets quiet again. We hold still and it seems like we barely move or breathe til it gets quiet - even the ones that say they dont care. Maybe it’s because we’re scared. Maybe it’s because we don’t know why they’re screaming. For whatever reason, it’s starting to happen for another night and I’m hungry but I say to myself, nothing about our bodies matter as long as we got ‘em.

Isagenix 9-Day Cleanse; Day 5

So last night I ended up doing Kettle Bell, and passing out later than I should have. I weighed in this morning at a total loss of 4lbs again.

Today is another shake day, here's the meal plan for the day:

Breakfast: Isalean shake
Snack: Honeycrisp apple
Lunch: Kashi Lemongrass Coconut Chicken
Snack: Probably another apple.
Dinner: Another Isalean shake.

Exercise: My lovie Fred and I are gonna hep-it like the old folks and go mall walking tonight. Hopefully we can get a few miles in and I can get some great new costume jewelery to reward myself? Thankfully the food court was never much of a draw for me.

I'm getting bored, and I'm craving a glass of wine; it IS a Friday night. But I know one glass leads to more glasses, so I'm going to try to make it through to Sunday without, treat myself just a little for superbowl party, and then cleanse on Monday and Tuesday.

I can do this. I'm almost there.

Hopefully I can get to 7 pounds loss as a result of this 9 day program. Ideally, I need to lose 60, but I'll take 7.

Isagenix 9-Day Cleanse; Day 4

Day Four: Shake Day... I got to eat!

Food:
2 Isa Shakes
1 honeycrisp apple
The veggies off the top of a loaded veggie pizza (do you know how hard that is to do???)
French Onion Soup
1/2 of a dressingless grilled chicken caesar salad

Exercise: I haven't done anything yet, but i'll likely do situps and pushups later.

As of this morning, total weight loss was 4 pounds, but I weighed myself again tonight and I'll have to fairly count it as -3.8. Dangit.

Isagenix 9-Day Cleanse; Day 3

It's day three; my second Cleanse Day and... I. AM. HUNNNNGRY.

I decided to eat some mixed greens just now to stop my mental obsession with my empty belly. This is technically considered a "fail", but you try not eating anything solid or substantial for two days and tell me how you feel. Shut up, Petar.

So, here's how it is:

Food:
4, 8-ounce Cleanse Drinks
2 cups of field greens
2 isa snack pellets
1 honeycrisp apple

Exercise: Cleaning 1/3 inch of ice off of my Jeep Wrangler, falling off of Jeep Wrangler into a puddle, getting re-dressed in enough time to not be hideously late to work.

I didn't weigh myself this morning because I didn't have a scale at Petar's house. I'll post weight change tomorrow, hopefully with more loss.

Isagenix 9-Day Cleanse; Day 2

I decided to skip pre-cleanse day number 2 and jump right into the cleanse.

Food:
2 apples
4, 8-ounce cleanse drinks
2 isa snacks
1 cup of frozen fruit
1 cup frozen green beans cooked in organic chicken broth.
Water, water, water

Weight:
This morning I weighed in down 2.8 pounds from starting weight.

Isagenix 9-Day Cleanse; Day 1

Pre-cleanse day one of two.

Weighed in first thing this morning. Let's call it tare-weight 0. In future posts I'll list a +/- change.

Breakfast: Isa Shake
Lunch: Kashi Lemongrass Coconut Chicken
Snacks: 2 Honeycrisp apples
Dinner: Isa Shake

Exercise: Walking to and from my mechanic during the day, low impact kettle bell when I get home.

Wish me luck!