Unhappy Feets

On Wednesday I go to the podiatric surgeon to schedule my surgery for my gnarley feet.

My feet have been gnarley as long as I can remember. I've always had poor balance and have never been able to wear flip flops without massive amounts of toe-shyness.

I'm far too embarrassed to post a picture of my actual feet, but have made a sketch to show you the general shape, as well as purple lines to show you where i'll be getting butchered:


Thats right, they're going to be cutting two of my toes completely off, and re-attaching them in proper form. I'm really nervous.

Here's what a real foot should look like:In addition to the toe dealio, they have to cut the metatarsocunieform and re-align, and then fuse it to my ankle bones.

See the part that is the "First MP joint"? That has to be filed down with something that looks like an industrial metal file.

Sad panda.

Recovery is like 6-8 weeks for each foot - and the surgeries have to be done one at a time. I guess I wont be walking right for 3 months.

The good part about it all is that I'll be getting a wheel chair at the mall for Black Friday again. The product is: No one eye contact from anyone, and hurried shoppers will scamper like roaches under florescent light to get out of my way. Children will cry and old people will stare. You know me, Miss Positivity!