Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Blood Gone Dry

This isn't the first time I've blogged about pickles.  This isn't the first time I've left the gym with a craving for dill pickles that would not be ignored.  So, with pickles being diet Friendly, I justified the trip to the grocery store (or "market", as LWin says), and headed right to the condiments row.  

I arrived in that beautiful zone of green jars and was presented with a conundrum:  1 quart for $2.49, or 1 GALLON of pickles for $4.39.  The thought of "wow, its kind of embarrassing to buy a gallon of pickles when you're still sweaty and in spandex, all by yourself..." went through my head.  As did "shit, I didn't get a basket and I still need tea and bags o'salad...".

So what do I do?  Decide that a gallon beats a quart, and so does the price, and go to the front of the store and snatch the first basket I peep out (the hand-carry kind, big mistake when we're talking a gallon of pickles.) and race back to claim my prize.  

I struggled with my sore post-workout-muscles to lug my new baby
 around the rest of the store, but did so and felt triumphant.  Until I got to the register. 

Don't get me wrong, Linda is probably the nicest late-night checker I've ever met.  She left the massive jar as the last thing to be scanned, and while I tried to ignore the act, Linda paused with it in her hands, lifted it to her face-level, and asked "Now what *I* wanna know is whos blood's goin' dry!?"  Now, I didn't know that when you crave pickles, it means your blood needs wettening, but I quickly smiled and replied "Me!  They're all mine!", and proceeded to say "...the worst part is, I live alone."  Linda suffered a coronary from laughter, and went on to criticize my bagging technique.  She argued that if I put everything in one paper bag, it'd all fall out the bottom and lose my pickles.  I begged her to trust me, and promised I'd hold it like a baby, and promised to let her approve my carrying style before i left her line.  

She did, I did, and she did. 

 
And I ate two pickles as soon as I got home.  Win. 


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are special in the good non olympic way. I missed and will miss you.

LecNessMonster said...

Dear Anonymous,

Where am I going?

-Moi

Anonymous said...

nowhere, that's the whole point point silly face.

LecNessMonster said...

Who art thou?

Anonymous said...

oh boy the creepy train has left the station. anyway to answer your question I'm Missing. ooh thats cryptic. this is fun i hope you figure it out.

LecNessMonster said...

I'm never going to get it, just tell me.

Anonymous said...

Hey, at least the pickles are kosher (that pleases the Jews).