"No Offense" is offensive enough

Dah da dahmmmmmm!

A lot of my time lately has been consumed with watching early Arnold Schwarz..en...eg..er (?) (sp?) movies. Hence leading me to have a more than usual abstract view of the world. Like, what if I had to cut out my own eye with an exact-o knife instead of a scalpel? It certainly wouldn't be a clean cut - those things go dull after the first slice through felt - let alone flesh and cartelidge.

Another question that came to mind is: Why hasn't Arnold (the real Arnold) lost his Austrian accent yet? My uncle moved to Georgia like 20 years ago, and you'd never know that he was born and raised in PA. He sounds like a natural southerner, slang and all. Arnold is still swishing around on youtube doing his Cali beg for help commercials sounding like a deaf WW2 vet. Ouch.

Another question I have for you is: Why are there so many pregnant people in my office? I've heard more than I'd care to about mucus plugs, waters breaking, failed labors resulting in emercency un-anestetized c-sectoins, and having to take a hand towel with you everywhere incase your water breaks unexpectedly. Since I've been in this department, I think there's been a total of 17 women on my floor who have had buns in their respective ovens. It's scary for someone like me who would do everything possible to personally avoid that scenario. Every day becomes more and more suffocating. The proverbial vaginal walls are closing in and I'm confused cat. (Too soon?)

Of course I support whatever brings joy to your world, and I too am happy that you're happy. With that said, studying cults and serial murders is a long-time interest of mine and I'm becoming tempted to rebut baby slime stories heard in the professional setting with facts about The Family International.

The key here is to recognize your audience. Usually, cynical girl with one ear-bud in who's glaring at some daunting design project is not the person who is going to know anything about what you're going through, and she's also the most likely to give bad advice. (ex: "Pounding a few cans of cheap beer seems to always help me with nausea!").

Just sayin'. I'm sorry that I am so bad at being a woman.